I am blessed, so blessed, to a point where I'm almost wary.
My life is working out. It's turned itself around. I'm going to a great school, and I've gotten every single class I wanted for this quarter. I have amazing friends who love me and cherish me and whom have my back, in every situation. I have a nice job that, albeit simple, pays well without stressing me out or overworking me.
But most of all, I have a man. A gorgeous man with the features of a Roman statue and the body of a Greek god. An intellectual man, who uses significant vocabulary, who understands the ways of the world. An ambitious man, who has such amazing goals and drive, and is able to plan and procure the paths and instruments with which he will conquer his goals. A grown man, with adult emotions, with an adult personality and adult ways to deal with the world, a grown ass man who is so, incredibly, perfect.
And I like him, so, so much.
He's honestly what I've been looking for, which is absurd, because in truth, they were right; you'll find him when you least expect it, when you're not even looking.
I was looking for a casual date. I was looking for someone who I could meet, someone who would help me learn how to date again, how to interact with people and have fun and open myself to the world again. And I found that...but I also found more. I found a man who is so incredibly straightforward, a man who is honest and doesn't mess around or play games. A man who is considerate and kind, who opens doors and really, genuinely cares about my opinions. A man who understands my emotions, who asks me to let him know if I am ever uncomfortable. He understands me, and he likes me.
And it scares me.
Because I like him too, so, so much.
We get along so well. His interests and mine overlap so incredibly well; the situation isn't that he understands my interests, but rather, that he is interested in the things that I am too. We have entire conversations in puns. We talk about the gateway to Narnia, and how turkish delight is not worth selling your family for. He likes the same type of music as I do, and our opinions are synonymous in so many situations.
Who is he? Is he even real? How could he be? How could he be so, so perfect, and perfect for me, and actually exist?
I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like I haven't done enough good in my life to be at a point like this right now. I've never saved anyone's life. I've never really helped anyone in a huge, karmically positive way. And yet, the world has blessed me with something I could never imagine having, because I never imagined that I could hit jackpot in such a tremendous way.
So what do I do now? Do I accept my incredibly lucky turn of fate? Do I accept this man into my life, this man who is so full of wonder and magnificence, who makes my heart thump and my face blush and my eyes water because I can't even mentally process the fact that he likes me, he likes me, HOLY CRAP HE LIKES ME.
I'm afraid I'll screw it up, somehow. But for now, I am blessed. So blessed.
